dramaM0M0; |11:37 PM|

I remember a friend telling me that she's getting lil selfish after her break up. I told her i understood and that I had my share too. I guess this realization of such feeling came clearer to me after i watched 'The Notebook', the male lead said to a lady who was there with him when he and his previous love broke up, he said: " you know i want to give you things you want, but i can't, it's all broken."

I guess it's the feeling that you just want all time and attention on yourself, your heart and soul and so you will tend to not want to bother with anything else. You don't wish to care too much for anything else other yourself, you don't even wanna be bothered. It's just too broken, too upset that nothing beats picking yourself up and just give others less love.

sometimes, i wonder were we a whole in the first place and being halved after entering a relationship so when it's over, we struggle to get back to when we were still single. It will be good if there's some mechanism that could enable us to forget things after a broken relationship, so that no one owes nothing and we'r back to who we were. oh wells.

dramaM0M0; |12:16 AM|

imagine this, you'd been dreaming about bag packing since a year ago but when it comes to the day that you thought you could have been overseas, you cannot.

and the issues are interconnected,firstly your friend couldn't make it and it's not his/her fault but having someone to "already" going with you made the trip 50% to realization because your parents will have to let you go.

2nd issue: money. With the initial idea to borrow money from the parents and repaying them when you get a job was the idea situation. But hey hang on girl, where does ur parents' money from from? From their long hours at a hawker center stall. So are you sure you wanna go holiday while they slog? i am pretty there's a part of you who will be screaming like crazy in your mind but family strings pull u darn tight.

3rd issue: time. what if your potential interviewer calls you up when you are about to travel? what are ur ideal dates? you planned to be away late june because you could help your parents during this school holidays and be back say early july for job/job hunt. but wait, reality gives u another issue to face. YOUR BROTHER.

4th issue: your dearest brother is retaking his O lvl english as well as juggling with his poly studies. He'll be having his first poly assessment tests in 5 weeks' time WHICH IS THAT VERY SAME DATE THAT YOU WANNA TRAVEL! and you can't travel 1-2 weeks before because he'll be revising, the air tix are expensive, neither can you travel after that because you really need to get a job say in jul onwards.

5th issue: and your ownself thinks "why is it so hard to just to have a getaway, to chill before i start my chapter next in life?" all these ain't anyone's fault because your bro didn't plan to flunk his paper, your friend didn't plan to be unavailable for your grad trip. And if traveling isn't planned now, when will i have have the luxury of time in the future? And while you try to calm down but sometimes couldn't help to think about traveling, these 5 things go in circle in ur head.

so how?
CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT IT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN. YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
and yes, the starting to convince yourself to discard your want is pretty hard, just think of better things to do in sg and find a job. Maybe, when you earn big bucks and then you can declare a holiday for yourself.
and this so-called-freedom is with strings attached.

can you imagine that situation? it's okie if you don't, there's a living example to experience it already.

dramaM0M0; |12:54 PM|

Exams ended on the 18th for serene, ellie and me. Laytin had her last paper on the 20th so we met for lunch in school and then tour around school compound.
Basically, we combed the src area, adm and north spine. We didn't go to south spine which we spent the most time at because it started drizzling. wells, we'll be back with our convo robe to take pics with my beloved hss building as well as the chinese heritage centre.

Let the pictures do the talking:
Actually we were quite an "irritant" because there were people waiting for exams yet we had our own fun. LOL. karma: perspired like mad!

and then we went to School of Arts, design and media and did jump shots again. Fortunately, there weren't any people around. I think my uniclique should enter the showbiz as comedians. LOL.
and then we walked up the slope that is right outside ADM, to the link bridges to the academic blocks aka engine block aka north spine. There we had some fun time tooo. Actually the school is rather pretty :DDD

thank you girls for making my uni life great. i will miss the LTs, the carpark benches, can B and the paths we often take together. no more "hello, where u?" "oh, outside..eh wait ah.. LT 25!"
Let's remember the days that bonded us, say YES! <3

dramaM0M0; |9:31 PM|

u think we don't know how much u have to work? U think we don't know how tired u can get everyday? U think we don't know u do want us to have a comfortable life?
And u bloody think we don't bother to think abt our future? And then blame that ur misunderstanding is becus we dont tell u things? hey take a step back, when is it that we had the time to talk? Okie fine, and when did u never ever come talk to us with a pre-mindset that made u say cruel words and then piss us as well.
Things go 2 ways, it's by time factor and the way u talk that make us not wanting to take the initiative to talk. And the thing is, even when we respond, u only select those u wanna hear and shoot us back with whatever bad image that u can think of.
Do i ever need ur acknowledgement for me working at stall? Do i ever need ur applause for every single performance i'v on stage or for any award that i got? Do i ever need ur comfort when i had my first break up? Hell no? And it's not becus u aint impt but becos i noe u didnt have the time so all i seek is ur understanding towards things i do? And u think i do events in uni for fun? Yes partially for fun as well as experiences! Becos i think abt my prospect, i think abt what i want. See the truth is i do think and care abt the well being of the family and u shud stop imposing ur mindset on ur words on the way u think of us.
Fair enuff, u might be too tired to think rationally, then dont get fed up when i try to reason nicely with u. I am not even saying that u are wrg becos i did understand ur point of view so all i did was to lay out the facts and let u noe how u cld post ur questions to us instead of scoldings. And yeah, why shud i be bothered to change a 51 yr old temper and u think i'm not respecting u. U think u slog for nothing, having 2 kids so immature. Den fuck oFf. Becos if u are to slap me, i'll walk away from this so called home.

dramaM0M0; |11:44 PM|

now that it's so said and done..
I wanna be a freshie lehh.
18th marked the end of my 8th examinations in uni and i am now a potential-graduate.
I ain't sure how shud i feel but i feel weird becos my final paper wasn't very well done yet it's pointless to think about it becus what's more important is whether the grades are okie for me to get my cert.And right now i'v difficulty resting becus i have no concrete plans as to what's next in life tho i will start spamming resumes and talking to people. i wanna get outta town but strings attached made me feel inadequate and my complains would prolly go no ending and so i'll shut up here unless necessary.
I suppose now = freedom. Freedom to?? To earn money!!! Grr. I dun wanna grow up.

dramaM0M0; |1:25 AM|

if there's love, will things be different?
if there's a choice, will things be different?
if there's a time machine, will things be different?
will things be different, in a better way?

and how many times should i think that things ain't that bad afterall? why do i always end up thinking that separating is the way out? i dislike such negative thought but you guys ain't being constructive to let me see hope in any positive progression. Will u end up regret your choice because you refuse to change for the better? and will the other you feel upset if whatever you'd hung for turned into something unpleasant? and will i be happy or sad or numb if the worst is to come? and will i have the courage to build that something in the near future? how will i feel? how will such a thought change me?

if there's a choice to rewind, i really rather ur paths didn't meet.

dramaM0M0; |9:59 PM|