okie.
back from chalet (21-22/6)
woots.
quite a DRAMAMAMA chalet.
pp drunk,i nearly drown but thanks to LUA hu saved me!
and yebble guess tt's wad i remember due the lack of slp~
;) but still, fun! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

den was catching up with kiankian the most.haha.tok abt sec sch dayyss..
den next dae catch up with tong zhi too! *touched*!
den sundae worked.

finally cleared my driving stage 2 on mon..and den tue started my stage 3..
the instructor's nice and cute! haha. had some gud luff..my prev instructor was nice too! he looked so COOL when he horned for me for a nong nong time when we drove pass a junction..cos some dumb driver tried to cut my wae when i'd the right of way...woots..and it's soo HAHA that the cars from all directions stared at tt dumb driver!! ;PP

and den congraz to hui for passing his driving! ;)) glad for him!
hehe and den my lil biz started spree6 alr! yeahh! jiayou naipei san!

and den..hehe it seemed soo packed with different feelings but i feel happy these few days..
okie dookie..gonna change specs and shop be4 jul starts..hopefully~

dramaM0M0; |4:01 PM|

如果我是海港,那朋友们是我的船只...绳子得绑松点..给彼此一个空间。

每日,要是船只飘远了,那我会想办法拉近绳子。

一日,要是船只被风吹远了,那我也无能为力时,那我会让它随风而去..

他日，若船只突然飘了回来，那...只怕我无法欣然接受，因为绳子可能早已断了..

回忆总是好的，至少他们曾经停泊过。

dramaM0M0; |12:59 AM|

bro was moaning to me that his organising of movie outings din turn out.
asked him y.
den he looked very sad, nearing tears..
only know how to sigh..
so i asked agn, then he kinda said y..cos timing dun match..cos last min cancellation etc..

so i said it's okie, at least u tried..there can be other times..hols doenst end here..
but he's so sad.
and i hate that look, i dun like tt look, particularly on a guy's face.

i understand the disappointment..i noe how it feels like to actualli squeeze time for outing yet it just din turn out. wad more u are the organiser..but i told him it's not worthy to be so down just because of this..but he still won't listen..but contd to moan..and sae some discouraging stuff.

den i raised my voice a lil..
cos i tot tt shant be happening to a guy.. i mite be tough, but i tot that he shud be stronger..den i tot abt myself..din i also moan and whine abt such stuff last time? but i got over soon enuff, to distract myself from other things..but he doesnt..he jus sae that he will contd to sink and then sink...so i told him it's a decision whether or not to be okie now, get done with his remaining hw and then if got time, go ask frens over for card games or wadeva..but he seemed to ignore my words..and i feel kinda "angry"..cos i myself dunnoe how to console that part of him..guess he still nid a lil fun outta this..yea, he is still a boy.

so i think i'll be bringing him out to mit mr MANIA! haa..bring him to eat pasta ba..not becus of this incident but had tot of bringing him out for a meal since i get paid for tuition.yebble..and so hopefully bring him to toy store and cheer him up...BUT i still feel "angry" for his response to such matters..he's a guy!

and yea..i think i am harsh on him sometimes..wanting him to endure things that he chose to do..such as the long hrs of art lessons that he chose to attend..i will onli pop by to see see look look, hlp wheneva possible..but i'll owaes tell him to do things on his own..den sometimes i wonder if i am a lil tough on him? but i tot tat's the wae u shud cope and make it thru secondary sch..u knew u like art, and u chose it..and u noe it's time consuming..so u learn how to get thru it and be fine..

guess tat's how i got thru, so i made it this wae for him too..but sometimes i ought to think abt his personality that is far different from me..wad i'd gone thru mite not be the best route to mould him..but then..who's there to teach me how to guide him? sometimes i wonder if i nid to play the role of parents too,i tot of bringing him out to shop for new clothes or mabbie be some wise person who can help in his inner growth..but then...my parents din guide me much..so?

den i'll think if i'll do tat to my kids..will i make them to learn thru the tough wae? will i be wanting them to be superb independent? well, u will nurture ur kids the wae u'v been thru..it's owaes tt wae...yada yada, shall leave tis matter for my future hubby to deal with..

and so while i try to be nice to bro, i think i will contd to make him do things on his own n hlp accordingly...i guess tt's the wae ba..but a part of me realised that i actually loathe the sulking face/the lousy demoralisation feeling in others..and tt's y i felt damn yucky if i feel the same wae...then i'll push myself to get thru..to push myself to move on..

grr...side track
i feel so weird that i won be calling ali ,km or bean for sch stuff animore. damn.

and somehow, i feel like shutting myself agn. X.x
and somehow, i feel so sorry for my bro to have me as a sister who is alwaes tough on him..
and somehow, i jus dun change the wae i treat things and him..cos i wan him to be on his own.

dramaM0M0; |3:46 PM|

poor image.story one-
hur hur.
giving me all sorts of looks for majoring chinese?
HOOT YOU AH!

does it matter animore?
heh.
first was shock..then was me accepting it..and den now i am afraid to take it up.

i am not looking fwd to aug!

story two-
and wells.
i nv tot that i haven get over the fact tt we are talking less and u caring less.
did u listen?
did u listen to me attentively and hear my cries be4 u think that actualli things aint tt bad?
perhaps u can be rational, perhaps u are steady.
but i mite not be during certain situations..so did u listen?
and then i tot i shud accept that you.
and so while i tried to be understood but failed, i understood that part of u.
and i am still learning to accept..cos i nid to move on.

and oso, i think i can get over things on my own.
mani did that and i think i can too.
i think.

story three/end of post-
gah!
this is not an emo post, jus a random one.
cos feelings come and go. like wth. HAHA.

dramaM0M0; |3:56 PM|

can the time be rewinded and let nth happen?
cannot. because the clock says move on.

can things be broken and then declare war lost?
cannot. because we still exist.

can things be patched and happily eva after?
cannot. because the name in law is raw.

can u love me a lil more?
because i need to love em a lil more.

dramaM0M0; |2:53 PM|

to alibaba:

wonder wonder wonder y u wrote that entry but wells, i'v gotten someth to say! :))

*note! beware! wad i am gonna type's gonna be randomised as i will jus sae wadeva tt comes to my mind* ;P

firstly, i wld like to sae that let's contd to be the ahlai and alibaba till the DAE u dun wan me! hehe.
guess there's no promise of wad's frens forever or ya..cos who noes, there mite be a dae we fight over a MAN and dere goes our frenship. ops~ haa, i noe we'll contd to walk the journey of frens because the following's wad u said to me during j2:

"i won't let go of u because i noe u will be so naive in the outside world"
(err..something along that line laa, exact sentence i cant remeber~ XP )
that's wad u assured me when i think i commented on whether we'll still keep in contact since u are a person whu MITE not contact others after parting, simply cos u think there's not a need, or perhaps the certain yuan fen's over..or perhaps due to past experinces made u feel that it's not tt necessary to retain someth that only happened for a short moment in jc.

IN any case.
to me, alibaba, u are still gonna be one of those whom i will share my deepest tots and u noe me larr, sometimes i mite only reveal things after the matter's over.. heee, cos i nid to process, i need to make it less emo, make it more sensible to explain to u..but of cos not reallie like report or wad..but simply..simply wanna let u noe..

jus noe that u are one of those hu made jc happened. =)

2ndly,
u are who u are.
frens shud accept who we are. correct?
so, eben tho u mite be less senstive as to wad to sae..more practical...a lil sacar sometimes..a lil picky(like the arrangement of CASH notes)..a lil tweety...but that's the lishi whom i accept.
sometimes tho i feel =X that u are loss for words to console me, but i tot tt's the lishi and sometimes ur responses made me a lil more rational...yup..but of cos i'll do wadeva ranting or crying first be4 i act on wad u suggest...haha..

there'r different kinds of concern. each of us have different way of showing love.
ur love language's the lil notes/cards/scoldings/gatherings
and tt's u!
i dunnoe how others recieve u, but at least i am okie with the lishi so far so gud~

3rdly..
be glad that at least the gatherings u organised do bring smile to faces.
at least the outings make u bond with fartty family beta..and u survived w/o me! haa.
i am a passive outing participant/organiser..
simply cos i dun eben noe my schedule den what more wld i think of meeting up.
so jus contd to org when u feel like it.

perhaps dun mind too much abt the awkwardness..i guess all of us will more or less get less stuff to share due to less common stuff..but keeping silent is gonna make things worse.
haa i noe i am doing it, i noe i am quiet during outings..and qutie HAHA for me to comment abt sucha things..but i tot if we are to be silent tgt, then who's gonna tok? if no one's gonna evoke karmun, who's gonna BREAK the silence? haaa

i sense the mani times u wanna tok to me or simply jus call my name wheneva our eyes mit (oh boy,like so wrg! XP )..but pls trust that eben tho i mite be quiet during outings, i do share my things with u..like the phone calls we chat..ya? i am quiet during outings mite be because i dun wanna explain things to mani pp..i dun wanna face mani mani qns etc regarding uni, y i not working..y this or that..yup..so hee..pls contd to believe in US (gah! agn so loveey doovveeeyyy) ;D

4thly,
i hope u did take away ur mask during these 2 years that i'v known u.
i hope the lishi i knew and know isnt different to the one u said with a mask okie?
no doubt there times we jus wanna hide someth behind, but well dont do it often..cos once u do it, u nid to do it mani times later..or rather u find it as a refuge..till then, it's harder to remove..den wad for u ask urself if u are gud person/fren or wadeva? ;))

5thly,
i think i will be missing u when aug comes.
i guess for now..i am more or less settled for chinese..i wanted to tell u abt the decision long ago but u werent at home when i called so yebble..onli told u when we met..but yup, guess after reading the previous posts, u shud noe what had i gone thru ba.. :)

and i shall make sure i dun end up being a teacher! rah! haa..who noes? i mite be a step nearer to what i wanna be! a script writer or director! woots! cos the modules got cover things abt movies~ yeahhh~
and then, pls oso contd to speak mandrain in nus! or else next time we chicken talk to duck~ =P

gah!
think tt's all for now.
hee.
u may think it's HAHA for me to rite this..u mite think some part of wad i rote aint true..but tt's wad ur fren ME wanna say after reading ur post.. ;)
feel free to tag or mail or call or wadeva format that u wish to response~

LOVES

dramaM0M0; |3:59 PM|

huat ah.
it's gonna be the 8th invest soon.
fwahh, cant imagine both my hgs are stepping down le..hee.
and so i am so old le~
;) okie, shall look fwd to meet my 8th HGS..it's one boy, one girl agn! ;)

and so 6 mths'v gone.
so how have i done?
hee.

let me jot down wad i did:
learn car
give tuition
read 5 story books
went to work at stall
met up with peeps for countable times x.X
opened an online biz
went for one pathetic jog
chores
nuah at home and be obasang!
;))))
so gr8 hur.

and soon, 2 mths later i'll be returning to sch.
pfft.
i think a part of me still dun wanna get into the course but i think 80% of me agreed to take up the challenge.a challege for me to master a familiar language, a challenge for me to make it a BIG one so that i dun end up teaching the subject. yeah! i shall prove to those dumbass tt studying it DOESNT equal to teaching it! ;))) wahahah.

well well well.
few days of working kinda took my mind off from the possible nonsenses that were gg thru my mind. yebble. be4 i see fungus on my head, i shall contd to do someth or think of someth to do. staying at home too much or rather, NTH significant to do will prolly get oneself MAD!yebble, tt's one ting i learnt outta these mths. RAH!

oh, i read this from an article, written by a uni student.
As we grow, we not only need to learn how to forget, but also learn how to be forgotten; not only learn how to understand, but also learn how to be understood; not only learn how to wipe our tears, but also learn how to wipe others'...

it's someth simple but it kinda make me ponder..yebble..
i nid to learn how to be forgotten/placed elsewhr.
and i nid to learn that some pp, perhaps are better to be kept in memories than in reality.
tat mite be the best for us so that they can owaes be part of me, so that i owaes love them.

dramaM0M0; |7:44 AM|

u u u and u!
stop giving that dumb face when u hear tt i am taking chinese can?
like wth.

RAH.
i think i'v yet to fully convince myself to take it up and tats y i got so affected.
damn!

dramaM0M0; |6:41 AM|

i guess i am soo soo sooo not ready to take up chin 4 years.
writing essays.
deciphering poems/old lit text.
those nearly killed me last two years.
but i survived.

perhaps it was because the teaching mtd tt make us memorize and den vomit everyth out without a nice way of understanding turned me off. perhaps in uni, the tchers will have a betta wae of teaching, and things will be beta?

i dun hate the language, in fact, i'v owaes tot that language's a powerful thing.
just tt i NEVER expect myself to be in this situation.
or perhaps i can have double minor and earn myself some credits.
perhaps i can do a double major like chin and biz and tt secured the top quality biz in sg?

and perhaps taking up a place in nus is like a small fish in a big pond.
since the future's so blurr when my perferences of biz & mass comm'r out, den perhaps i shall make do with the course i am given and maximise it and turn it to be an ADVANTAGE over others.
perhaps tt's what my name means.

and then, i guess i won't appeal.
=X

damn sucky.

dramaM0M0; |1:40 PM|