sometimes things just happened so fast that you couldnt have enough time for yourself to rationalise stuff. I tried hard to rush things to be presentable and catch up with trainings. The work done though was appreciated but somehow not good enough for show and hence the suppressed tiredness in both mentally and physically got so built up, they all burst out in the form of tears.

I know i shouldn't have cried and cause a pause in the training but it was really so tired and i was superb engulfed by the ugly truth of how people work and myself doing so much to make things happen. And so, i rushed to the ladies, my friends rushed to me, they rushed to explain things and i rushed myself to halt my tears.
"c'mon, let's get back to training, i'm fine..else we'll waste time" that's what i said cos i know i have to rush myself to be calm and get back to training mode.

The 2nd cry came when my instructor came to me, i knew his intention was good but i couldn't help to tear again when he started talking and so i moved aside and once again told myself to stop all these nonsense. My team mates came to me one after another but that just made me feel trapped even more, cos somehow, it's no one fault and so i rushed my emotions to be steady again. Training continued till 2315.

we rushed to take the last train home but because it was superb late after getting home, i didnt have the time to calm myself down. Even the recounting of incident to perry was a rushed one, with a monotone. I hope i could have let out a good cry to ease my heart but well, sometimes u just have to put a stop to whatever negative feelings you have, at critical time.

I'm now rushing to type this entry, to make a closure to what happened ytd cos i know it's 2 days to performance and i need to get back on track. There's training today and tml, we'r gonna rock the nbl down on sunday. Stay with me.

dramaM0M0; |11:31 AM|